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立贴纪念我4年雅思路6666

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发表于 14-5-2016 14:01:06 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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还记得从11年底开始接触雅思,11年12月环球雅思的学习,到12年4月初战雅思,到2016年5.13号收到香港IDP的成绩信息。总共经历了接近51周的时间,考的是精疲力尽,总算从最初的5分到现在的总分6.5,单科6,也算是6炸了
首先我还是要感谢我自己,这么多年,事情特别多。单位的个人的,感情上的。我还是坚持下来了正如好友Tricia说的WELL DONE! Congratulations my friend.Your perserverance, your committment, your dedication to the task has been so admirable.我从绵阳一个很偏远的地方走出来,英语垃圾的很。特别是我的发音,我在12念考雅思的时候,觉得我这辈子口语都上不到6,好在后来遇到了DAVID。大卫是一个脾气不太好的人,但是他真的是一个挚友加语言专家,他特别喜欢纠错。在认识DAVID一个月后我上到了6,之后的10多次雅思除了一个新考官给我打过5.5外。从来没有下个6,中间有两次6.5一次7.我在这里要特别感谢给我打7分的美国老太太NANCY,当时我是NANCY最后一个考生,她出门很远迎接我,最后给我了一个难以置信的7分,这个7分真的是让我信心大增。当时不知道NANCY的名字,后来我们又在机场偶遇。现在是很好的朋友,口语一直都是这样
在这里我不得不说我狗血的写作。写作首先我要感谢RAINY,她是一个很好的人,是她领我进雅思这个门的,可惜中间很多事情,我们也不在是朋友了,下午她一辈子开心。中间DAVID对我辅导过。怎奈自己不努力。加上DAVID本身讨厌写作,不了了之,后来去成都找了XX现任考官,他也给了我很多帮助。包括上个月给我的作文写FEEDBACK。我后面整理分享这个FEEDBACK给大家。这中间还要感谢NMIT的前教授RON,他也给我修改过10多篇文章,还有SUE PAUL,SUE是我这辈子遇到的最伟大的老师,她对任何学生都是一样的尽心尽力,是SUE春节在墨尔本餐桌上委婉的抱怨我写作不努力,让我下定决心在3月练习了10多篇作文。这中间,我还要感谢英国人Matthew, 美国志愿者,JEFF SARA夫妇,还有澳洲 TRICIA CLIVE JOHN
这中间,我要特别感谢西澳的DENG,是他为我打开了一扇窗户,还有去贵州考试遇到的强哥,感谢他的一直祝福,以及从西澳到悉尼的陪伴,还有老胡,我喜欢你的儿子。HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON

下面说说,我对不同雅思考点的看法,中间在成都考的次数最多,其次是贵阳,还有河内,西安 墨尔本,以及香港。个人觉得墨尔本最人性化,打分也相对公正,我在墨尔本写作6.5,一周后去 越南河内,5.5,这中间,我觉得除了自身实力外,也有越南人针对中国考生。去越南考都要特别检查中国人。但是总体服务还可以。服务最差的是大陆。其次是香港,这次虽然考过,但是在香港考从早上8.30入场,到下午1.20才出来到,导致我朋友以外在考场遇到意外差点报警

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Lzh12 + 50 恭喜你!
shanzee + 50 恭喜你!
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发表于 14-5-2016 18:36:05 | 显示全部楼层
我靠, 怎么成我陪伴你了. 是你陪伴我
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发表于 14-5-2016 20:12:35 | 显示全部楼层
毅力可佳
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发表于 14-5-2016 23:23:04 | 显示全部楼层
超强烤鸭
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发表于 15-5-2016 00:46:01 | 显示全部楼层
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 楼主| 发表于 15-5-2016 01:46:10 | 显示全部楼层
谢谢各位,如果有想考6的,可以咨询我,我对雅思每课都比较了解。对雅思资料,也是,我有一大堆。
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 楼主| 发表于 15-5-2016 01:54:14 | 显示全部楼层
Task one
The bar chart illustrates the main reasons why young boys watched the Formula one in March 2007
It is clear that most young boys followed the Formula one because of excitement and speed of cars. There was less than ten percent young males whose reasons were not given in this bar chart.
Looking at the bar chart in details, we can find out that more than fifty percent  young males watched Formula one for excitement and the figure for speed of cars was slight less than excitement. 44% young males followed the Formula one because of sport technology. Around one third young males watch this game because they were interested in drivers and teams,36% and 29% separately. The figure for modern was just under one forth in the same year. Meanwhile, the figures for glamour,  brands and favourite sport were quite similar, about on eighth. Less than ten percent young males followed the Formula one  because of honesty and fairness. We do not know the reasons for seven percent young boys why then followed Formula one from this chart
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 楼主| 发表于 15-5-2016 01:55:23 | 显示全部楼层
Task two

It has become far more normal for pregnant to have time off after they born their next generations. Personally, I believe that the benefits of this outweigh its drawbacks.

It is true that there are some drawbacks for companies to give their young mothers time off. First of all, a company needs to find someone to replace the young mothers position when this company gives time off for a young mother. This can be difficult, if few people are able to do the young mothers job that need long time training or experiences. The company is unlikely to find someone to do this job for a short time as when the young mother return to the company, the new worker has to leave or the company needs to employ one more person. This could be a burden for the company. Secondly, extra money is needed to pay for the young mother when they are on holiday. In China, for example, companies need to pay salaries and insurance for the young mothers when they look after their infants in a short time.

However, it is advantageous not only for families but also for the society, if women are allowed to have time off after their babies are born. For a family, it is beneficial for the upbringing of a child, if his/her mother has enough time to keep he/she company. Although their grand parents are able to look after the young infants, no one can delay that a mother is the best person to do this job. Especially, in China, we have one child policy. For many families, the child is the central of the universe, grandparents are more likely spoil their children, they give the child whatever the child wants. This is detrimental for the childs future. For the society, if the young mother is allowed to have enough time to take care the child who are more likely to become a productive and good member of the society.

In conclusion,  although there are some drawbacks for companies to give young mother time off, their families and the society will definitely benefit more from this policy.
这是我写的,下面是现任考官的FEEDBACK ,需要的可以学习哈
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 楼主| 发表于 15-5-2016 01:56:45 | 显示全部楼层
Essay Feedback March 2016
This is finally the final draft of your essay feedback on the two essays you sent me a couple of weeks ago!  
Let’s start with Task 2.  

This is your original answer, which as I said in my first draft I rated as a 6.  

It has become far more normal for pregnant to have time off after they born their next generations. Personally, I believe that the benefits of this outweigh its drawbacks.
It is true that there are some drawbacks for companies to give their young mothers time off. First of all, a company needs to find someone to replace the young mothers position when this company gives time off for a young mother. This can be difficult, if few people are able to do the young mothers job that need long time training or experiences. The company is unlikely to find someone to do this job for a short time as when the young mother return to the company, the new worker has to leave or the company needs to employ one more person. This could be a burden for the company. Secondly, extra money is needed to pay for the young mother when they are on holiday. In China, for example, companies need to pay salaries and insurance for the young mothers when they look after their infants in a short time.
However, it is advantageous not only for families but also for the society, if women are allowed to have time off after their babies are born. For a family, it is beneficial for the upbringing of a child, if his/her mother has enough time to keep he/she company. Although their grand parents are able to look after the young infants, no one can delay that a mother is the best person to do this job.
Especially, in China, we have one child policy. For many families, the child is the central of the universe, grandparents are more likely spoil their children, they give the child whatever the child wants. This is detrimental for the childs future. For the society, if the young mother is allowed to have enough time to take care the child who are more likely to become a productive and good member of the society.
In conclusion,  although there are some drawbacks for companies to give young mother time off, their families and the society will definitely benefit more from this policy.

Let’s run through some feedback on the scores before we look at the corrected essay that you asked for.
Content (内容): 6  
You are on topic and the second and third paragraphs are obviously one for, and one against.  The second paragraph contains two points, however, which are basically different and a native speaker would have used two.  The problem is that the second point about the company paying insurance is not developed at all (and also suffers from a breakdown in prepositions (in) and appropriacy (insurance) which makes the second point even less clear). The conclusion is quite nice, but suffers from introducing the description 'policy' for the first time.  A higher level essay, therefore, has clearer points (观点), and they are all developed well, and the conclusion supports them without adding any new information.  

Logic: 6
This is fine for a 6.  There are issues with referencing which mean the essay is not near a 7 for logic.  For example: "This can be difficult, if few people are able to do the young mothers job that need long time training or experiences."  Here it is not clear what the relative pronoun 'that' refers to, and in fact it seems it should have been re-written to form part of the conditional structure to which it belongs, but the writer is unable to do it.  This is typical of some other errors, and also there are places where the relationship between ideas is not well marked at all, for example the relationship between 'one child policy, centre of the universe, grandparents spoil' etc, which are not well linked.  Overall, some good use of sequencers (Although, firstly, secondly) and the flow of the essay is the right fit for a Logic band 6.  

Vocab: 6
This is difficult to rate- the score you get will depend a lot on your examiner and how many mistakes you make when writing the essay using pencil on the day.  There are some nice examples of collocation which would lift the score to a 7 for vocab (find someone to replace the ... position),(be a burden for the company),(beneficial for the childs upbringing),(detrimental for the childs future).  But this is spoiled by repeated lower level inaccuracy (unable to use collocation "give birth"),(pregnant - pregnant women),(long time training - do training for a long time),(in a short time - for a short time),(delay - deny).  Essentially if you had one less mistake and a generous examiner you might get a 7 for vocab, but one less high level phrase and a strict examiner and you might get a 5.   For a higher level score you need to focus on making fewer mistakes in your collocation.  

Grammar: 6
This is the weakest part of the essay.  There is correct use of relative pronouns (that) conditional clauses (if) and infinitive for purpose (to), but also several errors for all of these, particularly at the end.  A complete breakdown in use of relative pronouns in the penultimate sentence means that an examiner who can't speak Chinese probably can't understand it.  Also, in this penultimate paragraph, there are large numbers of subject-verb-object simple structures which are typical of a band 5 essay.  Because some correct complex sentences are present it gets a six, but one or two more errors in these and the essay would be given 5 for grammar.  

Overall Score: 6.  
In a good day you might luck a 6.5, but you are more likely to make mistakes when you write with pencil which would reduce your score to a 5.5.  

Finally, you said it would be useful to have a corrected version of the essay, with changes highlighted in red.  See if the following is what you were looking for:

It has become far more normal for pregnant women to have time off after they give birth to their next generation. Personally, I believe that the benefits of this outweigh its drawbacks.
It is true that there are some drawbacks for companies which give their young mothers time off. First of all, a company needs to find someone to replace the young mother’s position when this company gives time off to the young mother. This can be difficult, if few people are able to do the young mothers job which may need long training or experience. The company is unlikely to find someone to do this job for a short time as when the young mother returns to the company, the new worker has to leave or the company needs to employ one more person. This could be a burden for the company. Secondly, extra money is needed to pay for the young mother when they are on leave. In China, for example, companies need to pay salary and benefits for the young mothers when they look after their infants during that short time.
However, it is advantageous not only for families but also for society if women are allowed to have time off after their babies are born. For a family, it is beneficial for the upbringing of a child if its mother has enough time to keep it company. Although their grandparents are able to look after young infants, no one can deny that a mother is the best person to do this job.
In China we have the one child policy. So for many families, especially in China, the child is the centre of the universe, therefore grandparents are more likely spoil their grandchildren, and give the child whatever it wants. This is detrimental for the child’s future. For society, if the young mother is allowed to have enough time to take care of her child it is more likely to become a productive and good member of society.
In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks for companies to give young mothers time off, their families and society will definitely benefit more from maternity leave.

Remember, this essay now doesn’t have any obvious mistakes, but doesn’t include changes in logic, such as the second drawback in paragraph 2 which would be better expanded into another paragraph, and I haven’t corrected overuse of the phrase ‘young mother’ which would be better finding other alternatives for (such as ‘mother’, ‘new mother’, ‘parent’, ‘new parent’ etc etc).  
Now let’s look at Task 1.  


Here’s your original answer:

The bar chart illustrates the main reasons why young boys watched the Formula one in March 2007
It is clear that most young boys followed the Formula one because of excitement and speed of cars. There was less than ten percent young males whose reasons were not given in this bar chart.
Looking at the bar chart in details, we can find out that more than fifty percent  young males watched Formula one for excitement and the figure for speed of cars was slight less than excitement. 44% young males followed the Formula one because of sport technology. Around one third young males watch this game because they were interested in drivers and teams,36% and 29% separately. The figure for modern was just under one forth in the same year. Meanwhile, the figures for glamour,  brands and favourite sport were quite similar, about on eighth. Less than ten percent young males followed the Formula one  because of honesty and fairness. We do not know the reasons for seven percent young boys why then followed Formula one from this chart.

So, as I said in my first draft, I thought this would be an overall score of 6, although, as I also said about Task 2 it might well become a 5.5 if you had written it in 20 minutes using pencil.  

Content (内容) 6.
Full, and covers everything.  Saying that you don't know the last 7% in the overview is odd (maybe you wanted to use your ‘whose’ sentence - bad choice as it reduces the score). However, it does look a little like you just went through the data one by one, rather than finding any real differences between information, for example that glamour and brands are clearly less important and commenting that the graph only shows data about boys.  This ability to notice interesting things from the data and CATEGORIZE the data is your main area of improvement, in my opinion, in your whole IELTS test.  
Logic: 6
The logic is satisfactory - enough for a six.  The inclusion of a minor detail in the overview paragraph is a pity, and some innappropriacy (‘seperately’, instead of ‘respectively’) holds the score to a six.  In any case, the overview also has one big piece of information followed by the smallest.  A higher level candidate would use a linking word to show contrast here: ‘however just under 10 percent of males didn’t have any of the reasons given’ or something to that effect.  The last sentence also has a problem with referencing (words like his, her, its which refer back to things mentioned before), which I would probably mark down as a grammar problem though (see below).  
Vocab: 6
Vocab is fine for a six.  Nice paraphrasing, but a bit too much.  A selection of phrases with higher appropriacy would lift the score.  ‘The figure for modern was just under one forth in the same year’ is an example of the lumpy way you have used words from the graph and tried to add that to different ways of saying the numbers.  A higher level candidate would have said something like ‘Just under one fourth of the males in the survey said that the modernity of Formula One was a reason for being a follower’.   This is real paraphrasing.  Note the change of word type for ‘modern’ and ‘following’.  This ability to be flexible in Task 1 is so important because the words you have to use are given in the chart or diagram.  
Grammar: 6
Also fine for a six.  There is a mixture of sentences, but a complete balls up of the relative clause/attempt at referencing in the last sentence is an example of the inaccuracy that means you don’t get a higher score, both for this and the Logic score.  This is a bigger problem in your Task 2 essay though, so in Task 1 you should focus more on being flexible with vocabulary.  

Overall Task 1 Score: 6.  
Remember, typing means that silly spelling mistakes are removed: you always have these in your handwritten essays.  In some cases this can reduce your vocab score to a 5.  

So, overall you would have got a 6 for these two tasks together.  
You need to focus on:
1. On reducing mistakes with collocations in your vocabulary.  Without these you are much more likely to get a higher score.  This is especially important in Task 1 because there is such a small amount of vocabulary that you actually can use.  You need to understand the differences between nouns, adjectives, verb forms and move between these using the vocabulary given.  

2. On reducing grammatical mistakes.  Some less experienced examiners mark candidates with mistakes very harshly, so in an unlucky day this will affect your score a lot.  As I mentioned in the feedback above, these mistakes become more obvious in Task 2 where you have much more space to show off what grammar structures you know, but also a greater chance that you will make obvious mistakes.  Go back and review the work we did a long time ago on ‘that, which, who’, as these relative pronouns are essential for a band 6 candidate to have some control of.  We did a whole class on it last year if I remember correctly.  

3. Task 1 reveals your lack of flexibility.  This is very, very common in China, because students prepare a 格式, and then use it whatever the question is.  This is OK for a 6 in task 2, but never works in task 1.  Your task 1 score will be pulling down your overall writing score. You need to learn to CATEGORIZE THE DATA and do it differently for every task 2 presented.  Look for what interesting new things about the world we can learn from the graph/bar chart/pie chart, however boring the data set is.   This, Leo is the key to your higher writing score, your key to passing IELTS, and indeed your key to moving to Australia.  
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 楼主| 发表于 15-5-2016 01:58:40 | 显示全部楼层
这个FEEDBACK是我花900大洋得来的,另外还有一篇前任考官点评的文章,如果楼下有人需要,我改天贴上来
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发表于 15-5-2016 22:41:23 | 显示全部楼层
恭喜楼主,毅力可嘉
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发表于 15-5-2016 23:03:06 | 显示全部楼层
这个是好东西,需要顶一下!
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发表于 15-5-2016 23:55:47 | 显示全部楼层
LZ,你的时间好长啊,是中间没时间吗?11年到16年,能坚持下来确实不容易,我也想考4个6 ,零基础,看你这样我都没信心了
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 楼主| 发表于 16-5-2016 00:38:40 | 显示全部楼层
OZ天堂 发表于 15-5-2016 22:55
LZ,你的时间好长啊,是中间没时间吗?11年到16年,能坚持下来确实不容易,我也想考4个6 ,零基础,看你这 ...

相信自己可以的,我中间事情比较多,没有全身心的投入,不是SUE说我的话,我估计都还考不过。自己全身投入一定能够过的,我最初也是只会说HELLO goodbye
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 楼主| 发表于 16-5-2016 00:39:28 | 显示全部楼层
pud 发表于 15-5-2016 23:38
相信自己可以的,我中间事情比较多,没有全身心的投入,不是SUE说我的话,我估计都还考不过。自己全身投 ...

你有什么问题都可以问我,只要是关于雅思的。
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发表于 16-5-2016 07:24:13 | 显示全部楼层
考了多少次?

这种人才澳洲不需要的啊
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发表于 16-5-2016 07:29:02 | 显示全部楼层
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发表于 16-5-2016 14:57:18 | 显示全部楼层
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发表于 17-5-2016 03:14:12 | 显示全部楼层
dcxg 发表于 16-5-2016 06:24
考了多少次?

这种人才澳洲不需要的啊

你这种带着有色眼镜的人澳洲才不需要!~

楼主分享了宝贵的经验有什么问题? 造福后来人啊!~

你自己不作为不要恶语相向, 最鄙视就是你这种自以为是的人!~

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发表于 17-5-2016 03:20:33 | 显示全部楼层
pud 发表于 15-5-2016 00:58
这个FEEDBACK是我花900大洋得来的,另外还有一篇前任考官点评的文章,如果楼下有人需要,我改天贴上来

楼主好样的!~ 加油!~
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发表于 17-5-2016 08:31:07 | 显示全部楼层
SusanChen 发表于 17-5-2016 02:14
你这种带着有色眼镜的人澳洲才不需要!~

楼主分享了宝贵的经验有什么问题? 造福后来人啊!~

连个英语都说不利索,方法不对啊

你就使劲的鄙视我吧!who cares!
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发表于 17-5-2016 08:32:49 | 显示全部楼层
80后的吧,英文还介种水平,考了5年

5年开个公司直接投资移民多好

澳洲介个地方,找个工作都难
做生意更是血拼

介个英语水准来澳洲代购么
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发表于 17-5-2016 10:28:29 | 显示全部楼层
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发表于 17-5-2016 10:30:31 | 显示全部楼层
chubbycat 发表于 17-5-2016 09:28
周星星考了10年   周星星来澳洲代购

三次。。。
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发表于 17-5-2016 10:30:37 | 显示全部楼层
SusanChen 发表于 16-5-2016 08:14
你这种带着有色眼镜的人澳洲才不需要!~

楼主分享了宝贵的经验有什么问题? 造福后来人啊!~

dcxg没事四处找抽 @melody_iic
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发表于 17-5-2016 10:39:48 | 显示全部楼层
dcxg 发表于 16-5-2016 13:31
连个英语都说不利索,方法不对啊

你就使劲的鄙视我吧!who cares!

周星星 cares
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发表于 17-5-2016 10:44:32 | 显示全部楼层

别跟个苍蝇是的围着别人乱转乱拍。。没人关心你们内点破事。。
人家写个帖子容易吗。。
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发表于 17-5-2016 10:48:41 | 显示全部楼层
周星星1832 发表于 16-5-2016 15:44
别跟个苍蝇是的围着别人乱转乱拍。。没人关心你们内点破事。。
人家写个帖子容易吗。。

人家写个帖子不容易   苍蝇周星星 dcxg
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发表于 17-5-2016 21:21:21 | 显示全部楼层
chubbycat 发表于 17-5-2016 09:28
周星星考了10年   周星星来澳洲代购

看了也急死人哇。。。要得心脏病的节奏。。
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 楼主| 发表于 18-5-2016 06:13:16 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层
我做代购也好,做什么也好,这些都不重要,重要的是我过去过的开心,我现在情况比dcxg说的好点,澳洲工作没有,大问题,我另外有一个澳洲朋友等我过去开公司,我国内自己也有公司,我发帖只有两个原因,一个是感谢曾经帮我的人,一个是想帮还在考雅思的人,我口语也不是它说的那么烂,native speaker朋友十几个交流问题不大,感谢定帖的每一个朋友
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